Stress. We talked about it earlier in the SFD program, but we haven’t taken a deep dive into it as MasterFasters. And you may have found (specially now that you’re well on your way to living your best life) that the pressure to be perfect has resurfaced and the burden of “doing it all” has become a problem for you again. It certainly has for a lot of our MasterFasters. So, we decided to circle back to the concept of stress and look at the reasons why so many of us (especially women) are living with this fairly common affliction.
Today, cognitive health and brain expert Dr Jenny Brockis is explaining how our appetite for perfection (and “being our best selves”) could be a major cause of our stress. She understands the issue as a professional, but also as a modern woman, and so she’s helping to explain how our fixation on flawlessness can lead to masses of stress. So… are you a major cause of your own stress? Let’s find out, MasterFasters.
The truth is: stress is a lot more common among women (especially lately)
Stress. No matter how you look at it, it’s a modern affliction that’s becoming increasingly common. Especially for we women. Statistics from the U.K. report that middle-aged women have a 70% greater risk of workplace stress and depression compared to their male counterparts. The big question is why?
If you’re a busy professional working woman, chances are you’re also a busy parent, partner, housekeeper, chauffeur, dog walker, and cook and bottle washer. Trying to do it all perfectly isn’t working. But don’t tell us because then we feel more inadequate, guilty and exhausted.
Hormones, genetics and thinking are a stress factor
As women, we’re already dealing with those lovely fluctuating hormone levels, and a genetic predisposition to depression. We are also very good at making things worse by playing the comparison game. All of this while simultaneously trying to show the world we can juggle everything with a smile and never drop a ball. But… and here’s the big but – we all drop the ball at some point. It’s human nature. We’re fallible creatures!
I felt these failings as parent early on after being asked to provide something yummy for a school morning tea. Arriving with my supermarket packet of savoury biscuits in a plastic bag, I was met by another mother bearing a large platter of lovingly created homemade pinwheel sandwiches held together with those little toothpicks with brightly coloured flags. Her downwards glance at the bag said it all.
Perfection is a stressful illusion
It’s time to take back control.
Let’s get real and stop trying to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion that can drive us crazy, because we’re trying to achieve the impossible. I’ll say that again: perfection is an illusion. And in trying to achieve it, you’re trying to achieve the impossible. Let’s all take a minute to digest that. Right! Moving on.
Managing expectations (both yours and other people’s) starts with a healthy dose of vitamin perspective. Think about what’s important. And I mean, what’s really important. Did my child care that I didn’t bring in the best cake to school? No. But they did want me to be there. And here, it’s important to think about your priorites. What do you value? What matters to you?
Truly busting stress is about reconnecting with what’s important, tapping into your values and beliefs and asking yourself “what matters?”
Is it:
- spending time with your kids?
- having quality time with your partner. Do you have regular “date” nights?
- having time just for you, to unwind, relax, exercise or just chill? Getting to the toilet or the shower unaccompanied by the kids or the dog can be a good starting point!
Have you noticed the key here? It’s time.
Time is the key to managing our stress more effectively.
If you’re always running behind, or feel you never have enough time, your brain is stressed. This alerts your body’s fight-flight-or-freeze response that triggers an increase in the release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. Left unchecked this can increase your risk of mental health issues such as anxiety, panic attacks or depression.
How to help manage your stress
Choose to stop!
Give yourself permission to step off the treadmill to think things through. Reflect on how you can stop doing so much, and get better at delegating to others.
Check your boundaries.
Work and life is often a complete blur. We take work home to do in the evenings or over the weekend and worry about family stuff when at work. Check that boundary posts are in place to help you to separate one from the other.
Schedule in “Me-time”
This is not being selfish, it’s about self-care. This includes getting enough sleep, getting to the gym, pool or park. It’s time out to just be.
Mind your mind-state.
Feeling stressed all the time is not only unpleasant, it’s potentially harmful in the longer term. Minding your mind is about pressing the pause button a couple of times a day to check in with your thoughts and feelings.
If you’re feeling super stressed, you can quickly recalibrate by taking a couple of slow deep breaths or stepping away from the stressful situation (if possible). Learning to meditate can be helpful by helping you stay present. By doing this, you avoid getting lost in the “what ifs” of the future, or worries from the past.
You could also try naming the emotion you are feeling to defuse its intensity or share your feelings with your partner or trusted friend.
Get physical!
Exercise is a fantastic way to reduce stress by reducing cortisol and elevating your feel-good hormones. Taking your daily DOSE of Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphins along with getting out into a green space helps to build stress resilience and boosts your mood.
Stop using busyness as an excuse.
We keep cramming more and more into our already overscheduled days and then wonder why we feel so stuffed. It’s time to prioritise the essentials and ditch the rest. Spending too much time on social media platforms has been shown to elevate anxiety, so try cutting down the amount of time you spend online. Try a NOT-To-Do list and keep it in a prominent place on the computer at work, or the fridge door to remind you of what you don’t need to be doing.
Find the funny side.
Finding the humour in a situation helps to relieve stress and best of all is highly contagious.
Having a really good belly laugh boosts endorphin release, reduces muscular tension and makes you feel happier.
If feeling stressed, anxious or depressed is showing up too frequently in your household, it’s time to step back and re-evaluate which stress buster relievers will work best for you.
Which of these tips will you be putting into practise this week? How do you stop yourself from falling into perfectionist pitfalls? Share your tips and plans in the Members’ Facebook Group!